When we are traumatized the system goes into overload and we can feel overwhelmed and stuck with an experience we don't like. It can also be difficult to access trauma that occurred before we had language. As infants we spend out lives in the care of others and can be subjected to injury, abuse, or accident. Infants usually don't have the capacity to work on traumas. They can't tell us that they are hurt or that this was a terrible experience, and often they don't even understand what the trauma is until they are adults looking back. This is when we suddenly may realize that we have been traumatized, or we may not ever be able to connect deeply wth the trauma to heal it because we are not told about it, however our bodies hold it in images and feelings that are not connected to the language center of the brain. It causes a distance where we feel traumatized but don't know why. Sometimes, if we recover or seem to recover, it's assumed we don't recall the incident, and just as often the adults around us either don't realize when something has been traumatic or they choose not to talk about it. It's often embarrassing, or not recognized for the experience that it was to the infant. It becomes latent energy held by the family group.
My own experience of brain injury during labor was like this. I had no idea, the injury was not recognized as such by the adults in the family. I instead went forward in life as a temperamental person who didn't do well in crowds and who couldn't connect with people easily. Until I was diagnosed at age 34, I knew no other way. My temper tantrums and social distance were my experience. I also had the capacity to be oblivious to anything I couldn't handle. I don't think I would have been diagnosed as ADHD, but some of the issues I had with my mid-brain injury were similar to autism spectrum disorders. I couldn't handle a lot of activity around me and I was often frustrated, which led to meltdowns. Isolation was helpful so I spent lots of down time developing my creative skills. I did well in school so I was not given any kind of treatment.
34 years later in a counseling session I was referred to Bette Lamont, a brain specialist in Developmental Movement Therapy. She was helpful and in only a few months the treatment, exercises that stimulate brain growth around injuries, changed my life dramatically.
This is where the trauma response comes in. After the initial treatment I went immediately into a breakdown. My brain was suddenly functioning, and I started to pick up all kinds of psychic information. The years of isolation and limiting behaviors came flooding into my system as well. In this state I didn't follow up with Bette. Instead I went through years of relearning what my capabilities are and how to use them. (I went through many things, travel, isolation, meditation and spiritual learning, and psychic training). I had to do this in my own way because I didn't trust psychology or medical treatments for mental illness. I took it on as a spiritual path.
Nearly 20 years had passed before I finally returned to Bette for a followup.
During the next sessions Bette showed me infant movements from gestation into birth, these are tiny gestures and stretches that a foetus performs in the womb. They have a distinct pattern and sequence. Bette told me that when I got to the sequence that I was performing during the original injury I might have a sense of recalling that experience. When I did the final sequence before birth, I had a distinct feeling of being battered. Even though the actual events that my mother went through on the trip to the hospital were not battery, I still experienced that trauma and came into the world with a mid-brain injury and a fight or flight response.
The good news is that we have an incredible capacity to heal on all levels. I was able to heal the brain injury and the trauma. Of course healing was a bit of a journey, and I still work on my responses to events. I have cultivated a never give up attitude. The healing of the trauma included Bette's exercises, meditation, vipassana, EFT, and psychic healing- specifically grounding. Grounding is the most basic psychic tool and by learning and using this technique, I finally got my adrenals to calm down. Grounding out and healing around that fight or flight energy pattern was the final step in recovering from that birth trauma.
Fight or flight responses sustained are very hard on the body. I had suffered severe adrenal issues and fatigue. Although I worked to heal this using diet, herbs, and supplements, the final steps appear to have been getting that pattern of the fight or flight response out of my body. I am so grateful for psychic tools and energy healing. They are more than icing, they are fundamental ways that we can change the underlying energy that determines how we live.
In retrospect I am not sure if these healings required an order or time frame. I accepted the journey and took what came my way. I do believe that appropriate healing will show up for us when we are ready and open to it.
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